The Advice from My Parent That Saved Me when I became a New Dad

"In my view I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience quickly proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her main carer as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple statement "You're not in a good spot. You require some help. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to talking about the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a larger inability to talk amongst men, who still absorb harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a show of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a break - spending a short trip overseas, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their stories, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, altered how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."